I'm a ray of f**king positiveness

Surprise Surprise bitches and gentlemen..... My Visa is expiring


That gives me roughly as of today 20 days left in Sunny South Africa - I am still trying to extend my visa (And being f**king positive about being able to do it) 


However their is NEVER a wall that is too high to climb, throw my a hoop, and I hula hoop the s**t out of it (My Mother is going to kill me if she ever ready this for swearing - hence the **'s) 


So for now I'm trying not to think about it until I go to Home Affairs once again and some uneducated f**k who really has no idea what is going on tells that all hope is lost! 


In other news - Today is my last day of being 23. Tomorrow I turn 24 and have decided that no I will in fact not be growing up!


Ex Oh Ex Oh
Punky

10 hottest Rugby Players I have ever seen - in no particular order

The World cup is fast approaching and if your not that keen on Rugby, here are 10 reasons you SHOULD be

Alexis Palisson (France) - That's it I am moving to France

Francois Steyn (South Africa) - I would. Twice

Dan Carter (New Zealand) - he's playing with a soccer ball don't let that confuse you

Sean Lamont (Scotland) - Obviously done some modelling, can I blame him. One word. YUMMY!

Andrew Trimble (Ireland) - add a super cute accent to this one Ladies and he is defo a Winner

Frederic Michalak (France) - OhMyEfGeeeeeeeee!!!!

Juan Martin Hernandez (Argentina) - Ooooooooh Makes me LOCO!

Morne Steyn (South Africa) - DA-LEEEEE-CIOUS!

Clement Poitrenaud (France) - The only answer to any question this gents asks will be "Oui!"

Big Jim Hamilton (Scotland) - Tall, Tanned, Tattooed. 3T's = YES PLEASE!

And thats it ladies - My vote for top 10 hottest rugby players.  
I'm going to go take a cold shower now and cool down. Lord knows I need it
Punky Out

5 types of drunks

So its Saturday evening, 11:23pm and I just got home from an unexpected evening of fun.


It was supposed to be just me and a lone the starfish watching chick flicks but 2 bottles of wine later turned into discussions about the meaning of life, why men are so impressed with their genitalia, how Kim Kardashian can actually think her marriage is going to work out, why Sarah Jessica Parker hasn't realised she looks like a horse and how people who drive cars are basically saying "Hey, Look at me, I'm an asshole!".  Basically a discussion of all the IMPORTANT things in life.  


We came to the conclusion that there are 5 different types of drunks:


1. The cocky drinker -You all know one of these people.  This is the guy who says "I can drink a whole bottle of that stuff man and be FINE!".  Its not something to be proud of loser, no one is going to look back at your life one day and be like "That *Insert relevant name here*, what a losse he could really knock back the Vodka".  You think your cocky but really you just end up looking like this:

2.  The Emotional Drunk - Oh look, I have had 2 shots and all of a sudden I love/hate everyone and I want to cry cos I just cant deal with my emotions.

Phase 2 of the emotional drunk is they get clingy and want to hang on you all the time and hug you and everyone is all like "Yo, Personal space? Ever heard of it? Well your in mine, get out" 

3.  The Violent Drunk - We try to stay away from this kind although if they are your friend no matter how hard you try you always some how get involved in some form of confrontation.  Solution?  Make him/her designated driver, there is no other way.  

4.  The "I got full retard after one drink" Drunk - These happy go lucky, dance on tables, life of the party people, live in the moment people are great when the all alcohol limits are exceeded, however if happen to bump into them in the daylight without a drop of alcohol in them could barely maintain eye contact with you let alone hold a conversation.  Note to these people, in the words of Tropic Thunder "You NEVER go full retard"

5.  The "WTF happened last night I don't remember a thing" drunk - Rock up at a club with all your starfish for a night on the town together,then they disappear and much like a Wild Dog they are not easily spotted again, yet when they do show up its wither passed out on a couch in the club/bar or about to pass out.  They then wake up in the morning with all their friends slightly pissed off at them for ditching their fun filled night out together only to mumble "Duuuude, like WTF happened last night?" 

Hey Home Affairs *pulls middle finger*

So South Africa doesn't want Punky and Zimbabwe isn't too keen on having Punky either due to our President being such a *Insert appropriate word/words here*


I have spent the last 2 days trying (with no-avail) to extend my 90 day holiday permit in South Africa till December when I will be moving back to Zimbabwe - and then starting to plan my gap year travels.  
The thing that irritates me the most about this whole thing is NO ONE will issue me a visa - AND I AM SOUTH AFRICAN BY DESCENT! My Mom has a South African passport for gods sake.  


This is a taste the kind of dumb mentality I have had to deal with in South African home affairs lately:

Every year.... Like its a surprise

So, for all of those not living in Johannesburg you luckily haven't been subjected to the continuous bitching of Jo-Burgs about the weather the past few days (Unless your on twitter where you, like me, may have un-followed a few people recently).  I have a few things to say about this

First and foremost.  Its winter. It gets cold. Shocked? I know! It only happens every year around this time. Buy a heater and a cute jacket and drink a cup full of STFU, this is something you cannot change. 


Secondly, there is always a COLD spell in Winter. It is cold all the time but at some point it gets colder and snow is expected.  Once again. STFU! This happens every year it really should not be a huge surprise by now.  


Just be happy this isn't happening in Jozi:

You know what is surprising?  When it rains fish.  You can talk all you want it it rains fish.  


Otherwise, EVERYONE knows its cold, there is no need to inform other people about it like it is some huge surprise.  

Oppikoppi: Unknown Brother

A friend of mine said to me "You haven't lived till you have been to an Oppi dude" - Right there and then I decided that after wanting to go for the 5yrs that I have lived in South Africa that 2011 was the year.... I am going to OPPIKOPPI!


I was armed with the following 'insider scoop" from previous Oppikoppi goes, make sure you take a. Water b. Wet Wipes c. Blankets (it gets VERY cold) d. A sense of humour
Armed with all the above and a monsterous planning session it was decided - I was going to Oppi and I was taking my sibling unit with me and my "almost sisters" the Starfritzls.  Zimbabweans were taking over Oppikoppi! 


The Starfritzls had driven to Oppikoppi from Zimbabwe with our camping supplies, tent, food, vodka you know the necessities on the Thursday and my sibling unit who had arrived in Johannesburg 3 days earlier and myself drove from Jozi to Oppikoppi - possibly one of the smartest ideas I have ever had to come a day later as the Starfritzls had set up camp by the time we arrived on Friday morning.  
So there we were 5 girls camping in District 9 between two campsites called "Fokken Prawn" and "Bulletproof Marchmallows" - Good god what had we got ourselves into.




When people say "Oppikoppi is dusty" dont think "Well my car is also dusty after a week without a wash" instead think "I AM GOING TO COUGH UP MUD FOR THE NEXT WEEK! IF NOT DIE FROM THE BLACK LUNG!" - I have never in my life experienced dust like there was at Oppikoppi - Our campsite which was conveniently just off the main drag "Boom Straat" was covered in dust in hours, my poor little car changed colour from green to dirty dust red in the space of 3 hours! (The Wet Wipes come in handy here)


The toilets/showers are disgusting and being the snobs we starfish are we resorted to either driving to Northam during the day, "Holding it" or waiting till night fall to pee behind bushes to do our business - all in all made the experience exciting.  Note to self: There is NO cool way to recover from being caught with your pants down doing a pee - just smile and wave.


The bands, oh my gawsh! Where do I start with the bands!!!! SOUTH AFRICAN MUSIC TALENT BLOWS MY MIND! 
My highlights were:
1. Dan Patlansky - He just blew us away with his epicness so much so that everytime someone did something that was totally epic and out of the blue from then on we called it "Pulling a Dan Patlansky"
2. Famaz Attak - Namibian band that we literally werent interested in all we wanted to do was by our chips on sticks at the food stand so we watched them as we waited in the que, thank god we did cos they were amazeballs! Their version of Drummer Boy - Epic!
3. Not My Dog - Who doesnt like nu-metal! Head banged my head off! Neck is still sore must make date with that hot Chiropractor.  
4. Dance your on fire - Boxes of Tigers - nice little tune, I may have been a bit drunked at the time but epic moment when the guy who bought the stuffed tiger saw a guy with a cardboard box and they ran for each to make "Boxes of Tigers" 
That was my top 4 but there were amazing bands, Die Antwoord, Fuzigish, Only when it rains, The Black hotels, Van Coke Kartel - to name but a few


If you havent gone to Oppi - you have to go, my weekend was amazeballs, the men are beautiful, the people are friendly, the tequila flows, the dust is a plenty and it all comes together in one big ball of awesomness!
Do it!