Every year.... Like its a surprise

So, for all of those not living in Johannesburg you luckily haven't been subjected to the continuous bitching of Jo-Burgs about the weather the past few days (Unless your on twitter where you, like me, may have un-followed a few people recently).  I have a few things to say about this

First and foremost.  Its winter. It gets cold. Shocked? I know! It only happens every year around this time. Buy a heater and a cute jacket and drink a cup full of STFU, this is something you cannot change. 


Secondly, there is always a COLD spell in Winter. It is cold all the time but at some point it gets colder and snow is expected.  Once again. STFU! This happens every year it really should not be a huge surprise by now.  


Just be happy this isn't happening in Jozi:

You know what is surprising?  When it rains fish.  You can talk all you want it it rains fish.  


Otherwise, EVERYONE knows its cold, there is no need to inform other people about it like it is some huge surprise.  

Johannesburg to Harare

Any drive over 2 hours is never pleasant.  Maybe if I drove a Ferrari or an Aston Martin driving long distances would be a pleasure, I don’t know?  (If anyone wants to lend me, or give me a Ferrari or Aston Martin now would be the time to step up, just saying).

 Punky gets car sick. I have tried ALL the wives tales and hard drugs to try and fix this but the fact of the matter is no amount of sitting on newspaper to rubbing the pressure points on my wrist to popping pills will or has worked, however I am always willing to try new ones so if you have any motion sickness remedies, comment away or tweet at me and I’ll be the dummy who tries them out and lets you know how it goes.  That being said if I am not driving then my whole trip is a blur of nausea and trying to concentrate on not blowing chucks all over whoever is driving. 

My big sister is moving back to Zimbabwe from Cape Town we shall call her Punky Snr.  So my Dad drove down to Johannesburg from Zimbabwe to escort my sister and I home encase my sisters car broke down or anything on the drive home.  Little did we know the drive was the least of our problems – Beitbridge Boarder Post was!

Now I love my sister, she is my favourite person on the planet, but good gawd, i HATE her music taste.  She has to have been reincarnated , she has to the be only 26yr old I know who has EVERY Kenny Rogers Album and actually listens to country music not just the more commercial  likes of Taylor Swift, she listens to ALL of it.  1hr in and we have already had a fight over the choice of music.  I spent 3 hours the night before while EVERYONE was sleeping to compose the most AMAZING compilation of music to make our drive into the greatest road trip ever. I take music VERY seriously!  I had made sure there was a perfect mix of all our music preferences it went from Black Eyed Peas to John Mayer to Rise Against to 30 Seconds to Mars etc etc it was spectacular.  Punky was proud of her mix.  I really was!  3 songs in Punky Snr “WTF is this music, it’s so heavy I hope we aren’t listening to this the whole trip, when can I put MY music on”.  We were listening to 30 Seconds to Mars.  Heavy? Really? REALLY! I will not be listening to Kenny Rogers for the next 6 hours.  However I won and by the time I got to the Zimbabwe when my sisters took over control of the radio i changed cars and carried on jamming – I will NOT risk my ears bleeding.

So the Zimbabwe side of the Beitbridge boarder is a Pig Fest.  You literally arrive and your car gets swamped by agents who can to quote “Get you through immigration no problem boss, we do it quick quick”.  It is so bad that you actually start feeling scared.  There must have been around 15 men surrounding each of our cars trying to shove blue immigration forms into our faces.  However the queue to get into immigration is about 1km along so we thought “Hey we’ll pay more and get it done quickly without having to stand in the queue”.  How naive we were, they totally hit the mother load when they saw us coming.  We got conned, totally and utterly conned.  The guy disappeared with the roughly the equivalent of R5000 of our money to pay to get clearance etc.  Livid!  My parental unit nearly has a fit he was so angry and threatened everyone and anyone until the slimy little twit slithered out of the dark room, threw our cash at us and ran away faster than Usain Bolt with my father chasing after him.   Viva Dad Viva!

And that was our welcome to Zimbabwe.  God.  Nothing like being home huh?  5 minutes in the country and someone has already asked for a bribe and tried to steal for us.  You all really MUST come on holiday its fantastic.  Note the sarcasm

My 5 most irritating types of people in the traffic.

It is 8am, I am getting over my morning dose of road rage and by 10 o'clock I hope to have some type of personality.


This morning I thank God for making sure I do not carry any type of weapon or makeshift weapon in my car.


These are the 5 types of people who irritate my face in the morning:

1. The Taxi driver -Words need not explain this, if you have ever had to drive in South Africa you will no the constant irritation that this idiots give motorists and there utter disregard for any other vehicle on the road.  Don't even get me started on the condition of most of the taxis or the fact that driving behind them fells like Dodge 'em cars at a carnival.
2. The Guy who doesn't let you in when your indicating - I understand if you aren't indicating and just pull into a lane, but when you give warning that you intend to move into the other lane and the person STILL won't let you in? Makes. Me. Want. To. Pull. My. Hair. Out.
3. The Guy who speeds up, over takes you then slows down - What was the rush in the first place? Oh you were in a rush and then you decided to just all of a sudden take a leisurely Sunday drive? Get off the road you idiot.  
4. The bus that thinks its the size of a Smart car and pulls over with no warning - Dear Bus driver, your car takes up a WHOLE lane, when you stop, so does ALL the traffic behind you have you ever heard of a thing called a Bus Stop? Well guess what numb nuts.  That is where YOU are supposed to stop. Regards All Drivers.
5. Motorbikes who drives in between lanes - The thing that irritates me the most about these idiots is they then turn around and say "Cars are so inconsiderate toward bike riders - Think Bike".  You know what?  When you start driving properly and treating yourself like a any other car driver on the road then I will 'Think Bike".  This whole I'm going to overtake you on whatever side I feel like and scream past you at 140km/hr with my motorbike that sounds like a jet engine needs to stop.  When I hit you with my car one day, trust me it will be YOUR fault and NOT mine! 

That is all the ranting I have to do today - its one of those mornings.