Oppikoppi: Unknown Brother

A friend of mine said to me "You haven't lived till you have been to an Oppi dude" - Right there and then I decided that after wanting to go for the 5yrs that I have lived in South Africa that 2011 was the year.... I am going to OPPIKOPPI!


I was armed with the following 'insider scoop" from previous Oppikoppi goes, make sure you take a. Water b. Wet Wipes c. Blankets (it gets VERY cold) d. A sense of humour
Armed with all the above and a monsterous planning session it was decided - I was going to Oppi and I was taking my sibling unit with me and my "almost sisters" the Starfritzls.  Zimbabweans were taking over Oppikoppi! 


The Starfritzls had driven to Oppikoppi from Zimbabwe with our camping supplies, tent, food, vodka you know the necessities on the Thursday and my sibling unit who had arrived in Johannesburg 3 days earlier and myself drove from Jozi to Oppikoppi - possibly one of the smartest ideas I have ever had to come a day later as the Starfritzls had set up camp by the time we arrived on Friday morning.  
So there we were 5 girls camping in District 9 between two campsites called "Fokken Prawn" and "Bulletproof Marchmallows" - Good god what had we got ourselves into.




When people say "Oppikoppi is dusty" dont think "Well my car is also dusty after a week without a wash" instead think "I AM GOING TO COUGH UP MUD FOR THE NEXT WEEK! IF NOT DIE FROM THE BLACK LUNG!" - I have never in my life experienced dust like there was at Oppikoppi - Our campsite which was conveniently just off the main drag "Boom Straat" was covered in dust in hours, my poor little car changed colour from green to dirty dust red in the space of 3 hours! (The Wet Wipes come in handy here)


The toilets/showers are disgusting and being the snobs we starfish are we resorted to either driving to Northam during the day, "Holding it" or waiting till night fall to pee behind bushes to do our business - all in all made the experience exciting.  Note to self: There is NO cool way to recover from being caught with your pants down doing a pee - just smile and wave.


The bands, oh my gawsh! Where do I start with the bands!!!! SOUTH AFRICAN MUSIC TALENT BLOWS MY MIND! 
My highlights were:
1. Dan Patlansky - He just blew us away with his epicness so much so that everytime someone did something that was totally epic and out of the blue from then on we called it "Pulling a Dan Patlansky"
2. Famaz Attak - Namibian band that we literally werent interested in all we wanted to do was by our chips on sticks at the food stand so we watched them as we waited in the que, thank god we did cos they were amazeballs! Their version of Drummer Boy - Epic!
3. Not My Dog - Who doesnt like nu-metal! Head banged my head off! Neck is still sore must make date with that hot Chiropractor.  
4. Dance your on fire - Boxes of Tigers - nice little tune, I may have been a bit drunked at the time but epic moment when the guy who bought the stuffed tiger saw a guy with a cardboard box and they ran for each to make "Boxes of Tigers" 
That was my top 4 but there were amazing bands, Die Antwoord, Fuzigish, Only when it rains, The Black hotels, Van Coke Kartel - to name but a few


If you havent gone to Oppi - you have to go, my weekend was amazeballs, the men are beautiful, the people are friendly, the tequila flows, the dust is a plenty and it all comes together in one big ball of awesomness!
Do it! 

I have too much blood in my alcohol system

Its a Friday night and there are so many things to do in Johannesburg that I knew I would be able to get my slorey debauchery on somewhere. 

Dance, your on fire was playing at Tanz Cafe - Punky LURVES Dance, your on fire. Who doesn't? If you haven't heard do your ears a favour and give them some sexy time and listen to them.  If you don't like them... I'm not sure if you and I can be starfish. 
So due to the vast majority of my starfish being of the jock variety it was rather hard to find someone to go with me to watch a band the reaction I got you would have thought I said "Hey people are dishing out free Herpes - Wanna go catch it?".  However due to my awesomeness and manipulation starfish and I headed out to Tanz Cafe. 

Tanz Cafe
Now since Dance, your on fire was playing I would have thought more people would go and watch them.  Apparently not.  We walked in and promptly walked out.  I love watching bands but not when the average age is 45 and people are talking about politics and the best retirement villages in Jozi. 
Tanz = Fail

So we decided to head to Privilege:

Privilege
For those of you who aren't in the "know" is the old Casablanca or Casa-wanka as I like to called it, which was previously known as Night Fever or Tight Beaver as it was better known due to the copious amount of loose underage woman.  Can you tell I wasn't a fan? 
So apparently it was Privilege's OPENING night.  In other news, they need to hire a new PR agency.  I think I may have been the oldest person in the club by about 4 yrs, I am pretty sure most of the men or rather boys in Privilege had only just hit puberty and where still waiting for hair to grow on their faces.  At one point I was chatting to a man (I was tricked due to his facial hair - obviously he developed early) who turned out to be 17.  Two words. Jail bait. 
Caramel Vodka needed A.S.A.P!!!
Upside of Privilege - Everyone is underage so the bar is empty. Thank god for not being able to serve alcohol to minors. Result!
2 drinks and 4 Caramel Vodka shots down. Time. To. Get. Out. Of. Here

Its 11pm and we are in Fourways, yeah - To Billy the B.U.M.S it is.

Billy the B.U.M.S
Now for all you who don't know we personally.  I have a crush.  A HUGE crush.  We fondly call him well lets just cal him "Man Meat" (he has a name but I refuse to call him by it).  Charming isn't it.  He is my Kryptonite and possibly the most confusing boy I have ever met in my life.  I am infatuated by him, and this is possibly the ONLY reason I go to Billy the B.U.M.S to see my man meat.  Sadly tonight he isn't here (Which is weird cos he is ALWAYS there - but anyways moving on). 
I really don't understand Billy's, its either AMAZING and packed and full of people who are decent then on other nights (Like Friday night) it is full of people who not only got hit by the ugly tree but then took the initiative to grow the branch they got hit with - these people looked like they lived in caves and hadn't yet evolved.
On another note - Billy's waters down their Caramel Vodka (Cheap Bastards) it tastes more like Vodka and less like Caramel.  -shudder-
Moving on and up... NOW!

To Stones we go:

Stones
Stones Fourways is pretty cool.  They play very commercial dance music and the crowd is of the two-stepping variety but I have had enough alcohol by now to think that any place is the greatest place in the world.  Result - bumping in more Starfish, this is our pool bitches lets dance the night away.

All in all, alot of bar hopping and debauchery.  I missed Saturday lectures at Varsity.  My life is obviously going down the tubes but its one HELL OF A RIDE!

Punky Out.