Im growing up..... SIKE!

I haven't done a blog in quite some time.... Neglecting a blog is like what number ONE on the blogging not to do list?  Naughty Punky!

So, I have had a rather "chilled weekend" - I am saving myself for Oppikoppi which is closer than I thought.  Note to self: Must go to gym. Must buy booze. Must makes lists. Must service car.  Must find a tent and or a willing gentleman who doesn't hog the blankets. 

In my attempt to be "chilled" I did the following this weekend:

Friday:

Went to a grown up dinner party (or stew night cos well you know how cold Johannesburg has been - and who wants to braai outside?):  Said stew night when first suggested was agreed to hesitantly but I'm glad I went, I got to meet new people and get to know old friends better.  The stew wasn't good, but it was a god effort and the conversation and laughs around the dinner table made up for it.  Note to self:  Lay  off the wine Punky.  Headache from Hell.

Saturday:

Movie night in with the Starfish.  Watched the 8o'clock movie on DSTV.  Did face masks.  Gossiped and found out what was number one on the Indie Charts on VH1 (P.S I refuse to watch VH1 I am STILL too young to be there target demographic - VH1 was a choice of one of the starfish)

Sunday:

I was having the most lazy or lazy days.... I woke up, looked at the clock it said 10 so NATURALLY I rolled over and went back to bed, when I next woke up it was 12.45. *shocked face* So in fear of being paralyzed from being in bed for too long, I decided to go to Monte with Crippled Starfish (who just had pins taken out of her broken leg) to watch Bridesmaids.  BRILLIANT movie! I laughed the WHOLE way through and didn't loose concentration once (Which is amazing considering I have the concentration of a 5yr old with ADHD).  I suggest you all get off your cute butts and head to your local cinema right meow to go and watch it if you are keen for a few laughs.  

Stuck in the 3rd World

So as of late I have been neglecting my blog quite a bit..... The ONLY reason for this is being trapped in the back of beyond with little to no internet access at time (I know alot of people cannot relate to this but try to visualize the discomfort this would bring to your lives)
I have however had no shortage of debacherous stories to share with you all.
Let me begin shall I? *Ahem*
So as we all know my home country of Zimbabwe has in the past suffered from a rather "rough" existence.... Let this not fool you into thinking there is a lack of things to do or Night Clubs with poles to dance on.
I may add on Friday night (after my Last exam) things got a little out of control at 2 of Zimbabwe's finest bars/clubs.
 Two clubs! I Know I Cant Believe It Either! (They don't have Caramel Vodka - beggars cant be choosers in Zimbabwe "any thing that does the job alcohol wise" will do - I'm pretty sure I have drunk petrol disguised as Vodka before but that is another story for another day)
After my BFF Starfish threw a little "Punky has finished exams and can now drink like a fish" party in my honour I arrived at Tin Roof and managed "have my A game" some how.  You know what I love about Zim guys? You DONT have to talk to them for 3 hours and suggest marriage just to get them to buy you a drink or give you their space at the bar or open your car door.  There is one thing I cannot  deny Zimbabwean boys are gentlemen.  Always have been, always will be.  Chivalry is not dead boys - don't act like it is.  I dont remember much due to the copious amounts of Patron I swallowed - I am NOT cheating on my beloved Caramel Vodka (CV will always hold my heart - We are just on a "break")
We then some how ended up at Axiom - I do not remember much from then on but I'm pretty sure I licked some gentleman's bicep in appreciation for his "Puppies" I am pretty sure I then asked him if he would like me to take him to the local vet for a check up cos his puppies were so sick.  HAVE I NO SHAME?
All in all.  I shamed myself and had a ball swimming with the big fish in a very little pond.  Mama Starfish and Papa Starfish would be so proud. Not.
Peace Punky Out

I have too much blood in my alcohol system

Its a Friday night and there are so many things to do in Johannesburg that I knew I would be able to get my slorey debauchery on somewhere. 

Dance, your on fire was playing at Tanz Cafe - Punky LURVES Dance, your on fire. Who doesn't? If you haven't heard do your ears a favour and give them some sexy time and listen to them.  If you don't like them... I'm not sure if you and I can be starfish. 
So due to the vast majority of my starfish being of the jock variety it was rather hard to find someone to go with me to watch a band the reaction I got you would have thought I said "Hey people are dishing out free Herpes - Wanna go catch it?".  However due to my awesomeness and manipulation starfish and I headed out to Tanz Cafe. 

Tanz Cafe
Now since Dance, your on fire was playing I would have thought more people would go and watch them.  Apparently not.  We walked in and promptly walked out.  I love watching bands but not when the average age is 45 and people are talking about politics and the best retirement villages in Jozi. 
Tanz = Fail

So we decided to head to Privilege:

Privilege
For those of you who aren't in the "know" is the old Casablanca or Casa-wanka as I like to called it, which was previously known as Night Fever or Tight Beaver as it was better known due to the copious amount of loose underage woman.  Can you tell I wasn't a fan? 
So apparently it was Privilege's OPENING night.  In other news, they need to hire a new PR agency.  I think I may have been the oldest person in the club by about 4 yrs, I am pretty sure most of the men or rather boys in Privilege had only just hit puberty and where still waiting for hair to grow on their faces.  At one point I was chatting to a man (I was tricked due to his facial hair - obviously he developed early) who turned out to be 17.  Two words. Jail bait. 
Caramel Vodka needed A.S.A.P!!!
Upside of Privilege - Everyone is underage so the bar is empty. Thank god for not being able to serve alcohol to minors. Result!
2 drinks and 4 Caramel Vodka shots down. Time. To. Get. Out. Of. Here

Its 11pm and we are in Fourways, yeah - To Billy the B.U.M.S it is.

Billy the B.U.M.S
Now for all you who don't know we personally.  I have a crush.  A HUGE crush.  We fondly call him well lets just cal him "Man Meat" (he has a name but I refuse to call him by it).  Charming isn't it.  He is my Kryptonite and possibly the most confusing boy I have ever met in my life.  I am infatuated by him, and this is possibly the ONLY reason I go to Billy the B.U.M.S to see my man meat.  Sadly tonight he isn't here (Which is weird cos he is ALWAYS there - but anyways moving on). 
I really don't understand Billy's, its either AMAZING and packed and full of people who are decent then on other nights (Like Friday night) it is full of people who not only got hit by the ugly tree but then took the initiative to grow the branch they got hit with - these people looked like they lived in caves and hadn't yet evolved.
On another note - Billy's waters down their Caramel Vodka (Cheap Bastards) it tastes more like Vodka and less like Caramel.  -shudder-
Moving on and up... NOW!

To Stones we go:

Stones
Stones Fourways is pretty cool.  They play very commercial dance music and the crowd is of the two-stepping variety but I have had enough alcohol by now to think that any place is the greatest place in the world.  Result - bumping in more Starfish, this is our pool bitches lets dance the night away.

All in all, alot of bar hopping and debauchery.  I missed Saturday lectures at Varsity.  My life is obviously going down the tubes but its one HELL OF A RIDE!

Punky Out. 

Starfish leaves to swim in the English sea....

I hate Farewells.
I hate Good Byes.
I hate Airports.
I hate it when people leave.  
It sucks.


One of my starfish is leaving to swim in the big bad cold British sea for an indefinite period of time - It sucks when they leave but it sucks even more when they leave and you don't know when you are ever going to see them again.  Luckily being Zimbabwean and having had half of my friends move away to more stable countries with slightly better economies (Considering Mugabe went on record to say "The Zimbabwean Economy is the envy of the world") around the world I am quite used to good byes, but they still suck so so so bad.  


So I am just going to ignore the fact that said starfish is going swimming in another rock pool and just get on with the interesting stuff (the slorey behaviour and copious drinking, cos I know that all anyone cares about  - The only kind of mail is Black Mail after all) *Hi Mom* 


So since said starfish has German roots (I'm not sure if this is why this interesting little watering hole in the middle of nowhere was chosen or if it was chosen just because it was huge? Must. Find. Answers).   Anyhootenhausen - So we all met at Schwabinger Stuben - don't ask me where it is because I could not, even if my life depended on it tell you.  In true German style, we ate, and we drank and we were merry.  Then we decided to take our jolly selves to Greenside.  Now contrary to popular belief, I myself am not a Greenside fan, maybe its because my starfish  enjoy the snobby, pretentious, jock filled watering hole that they call 'The Office" 
Let me describe the kind of people who like to go to 'The Office" - Firstly it is the kind of people who find the name 'The Office' mildly amusing, so it would be the kind of people who work in offices, from lawyers, accountants, investment bankers and basically anyone else who lives a corporate semi boring life during the week and then find the thought of going to a place named 'The Office' to socialize amusing.  As you can tell, I am not a fan.  
However this Saturday, I decided that I can no longer spend my Saturdays in a place that I dislike and decided to pop into Gin even if my Office loving starfish describe the place as "Dark, dingy with a hint of stale vomit in the air'' - Now, don't let that put you off - Gin is the bomb diggity!   Ok so they don't serve Caramel Vodka but that isn't make or break for me yet (however I did inform the manager, waiter and anyone who would listen that it needed to be stocked asap).
Let me describe Gin: The people are fun, the music is good, the drinks are cheap and the talent it out. of. this. world.  Starfish and I spotted possibly the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life (Yes, I know I say that a lot - but you all know how I tend to exaggerate well everything... this time I am 95.72% certain) I mean I even shoot in a semi-down poor outside just so one of the Starfish and myself could stare at it, just a little bit longer.  
I also think at one point during the evening I stood on a table and shook my booty to the sounds of Black eyed Peas **Blushes** I just can control myself, I feel like the BEP song "Dirty Bitch" should just be dedicated to me and my starfishes and our slore behaviour.  


I'm going to miss my little Starfish, drinks were consumed, memories were made, farewells were said and I wouldn't have it any other way.


And to end off remember this:

Vodka is like Black - it goes with everything. - F.P. Rogers

The Adventure begins...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Punky (Thats me Folks) and my Starfish (the would be the beautiful creatures I call my friends)

I have had previous blogs in the past, but they have sadly been neglected and thus given over to the BRDC (Blog Refuse Disposal Center) to die a sad and lonely unviewed death on the world wide web.

I hope you enjoy the scandalous day-to-day happenings of the what I am lucky enough to call my life

Hold on it’s going to be a bumpy ride…