Apparently some people can't "Forgive and Forget"

For those of you who don’t know about the Zimbabwean land reform program:

10ish years ago (I forget the year – I was little ok, gimme a break) the Zimbabwean Government decided to enforce something called “The Land Reform Programme”  I’m not going to go into the detail of what the land reform program entails or how it treated the farmers that were forcibly and violently removed   of their land. 

I felt that with all the studying and diligent student activities I have been participating in recently I would instead of watching Jersey Shore Re-Runs, Jerseylicious, or any trashy E! Entertainment programmes go for a walk around the farm.  So I head out.  I decide to do about 5kms and head up to the top land that boarders with “The War Veterans land” (I put it in inverted commas because it is actually OUR farm but it just got stolen from us and is now his).  So there I am with my iPod on (I am scared of bushes that make noise – hence the iPod instead of enjoying nature) and I see the War Veteran out with his family ploughing his lands.  Oh and also crops are supposed to be put in in November and reaped in May obviously he is a thief and an idiot who doesn’t know how to farm. Back to the War Vet. They are all staring at me so I made a decision to way and shout “HELLO! HOW ARE YOU?” to which he replied to with giving me the bird and shouting “BURIYAKO”.  For those of you who don’t speak Shona, saying Buriyako to someone is the harshest form of abuse or swearing you can say to someone it’s like shouting “EF YOU” at someone times like a million. 

I don’t know why that jerk faced idiot yelled Buriyako at me but surely if ANYONE should still be angry it should be me?  This is the same prick who along with his gang of War Vets attacked our house (when I was all of say 13yrs old) when my sister and I were fast asleep inside with neither of our parents in the house and then held us captive for hours and then set fire to our house so we couldn’t escape, luckily we managed to get evacuated but if we hadn’t I doubt I would be here to write this blog.  AND HE IS STILL ANGRY? 

So much for forgive and forget. 

Johannesburg to Harare

Any drive over 2 hours is never pleasant.  Maybe if I drove a Ferrari or an Aston Martin driving long distances would be a pleasure, I don’t know?  (If anyone wants to lend me, or give me a Ferrari or Aston Martin now would be the time to step up, just saying).

 Punky gets car sick. I have tried ALL the wives tales and hard drugs to try and fix this but the fact of the matter is no amount of sitting on newspaper to rubbing the pressure points on my wrist to popping pills will or has worked, however I am always willing to try new ones so if you have any motion sickness remedies, comment away or tweet at me and I’ll be the dummy who tries them out and lets you know how it goes.  That being said if I am not driving then my whole trip is a blur of nausea and trying to concentrate on not blowing chucks all over whoever is driving. 

My big sister is moving back to Zimbabwe from Cape Town we shall call her Punky Snr.  So my Dad drove down to Johannesburg from Zimbabwe to escort my sister and I home encase my sisters car broke down or anything on the drive home.  Little did we know the drive was the least of our problems – Beitbridge Boarder Post was!

Now I love my sister, she is my favourite person on the planet, but good gawd, i HATE her music taste.  She has to have been reincarnated , she has to the be only 26yr old I know who has EVERY Kenny Rogers Album and actually listens to country music not just the more commercial  likes of Taylor Swift, she listens to ALL of it.  1hr in and we have already had a fight over the choice of music.  I spent 3 hours the night before while EVERYONE was sleeping to compose the most AMAZING compilation of music to make our drive into the greatest road trip ever. I take music VERY seriously!  I had made sure there was a perfect mix of all our music preferences it went from Black Eyed Peas to John Mayer to Rise Against to 30 Seconds to Mars etc etc it was spectacular.  Punky was proud of her mix.  I really was!  3 songs in Punky Snr “WTF is this music, it’s so heavy I hope we aren’t listening to this the whole trip, when can I put MY music on”.  We were listening to 30 Seconds to Mars.  Heavy? Really? REALLY! I will not be listening to Kenny Rogers for the next 6 hours.  However I won and by the time I got to the Zimbabwe when my sisters took over control of the radio i changed cars and carried on jamming – I will NOT risk my ears bleeding.

So the Zimbabwe side of the Beitbridge boarder is a Pig Fest.  You literally arrive and your car gets swamped by agents who can to quote “Get you through immigration no problem boss, we do it quick quick”.  It is so bad that you actually start feeling scared.  There must have been around 15 men surrounding each of our cars trying to shove blue immigration forms into our faces.  However the queue to get into immigration is about 1km along so we thought “Hey we’ll pay more and get it done quickly without having to stand in the queue”.  How naive we were, they totally hit the mother load when they saw us coming.  We got conned, totally and utterly conned.  The guy disappeared with the roughly the equivalent of R5000 of our money to pay to get clearance etc.  Livid!  My parental unit nearly has a fit he was so angry and threatened everyone and anyone until the slimy little twit slithered out of the dark room, threw our cash at us and ran away faster than Usain Bolt with my father chasing after him.   Viva Dad Viva!

And that was our welcome to Zimbabwe.  God.  Nothing like being home huh?  5 minutes in the country and someone has already asked for a bribe and tried to steal for us.  You all really MUST come on holiday its fantastic.  Note the sarcasm

I put all my eggs in ONE basket this weekend

There is one weekend every year that leaves you with U.D.I's (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), Flashbacks, New Slang, Black holes  and the obvious regret of things that cannot be undone.
This however was not me this Easter weekend.... Punky has given up drinking.


I can feel you all rolling your eyes and thinking "Pssssss! This is going to last all of 10 seconds"
But unlike the time I decided to become a pro-skateboarder this shall be less painful and I may stick to it for a a little while - or at least until exams are over 


So since I cant dish the dirt on myself I shall do the ne xt best thing and dish out the dirt on my  starfish


B.F.F Starfish happened to in the course of one weekend do the following things:
1.  Suck face a.k.a Graze a non-English speaking gent in Clapham Gold after all of 5 minutes of dancing in the same vicinity as him.  Legendary.
2.  Become a fan of Caramel Vodka - I know I am too proud for words
3.  Break a heel
4.  Run away from said non-English speaking gent
5.  Make me "save her" once again from non-English speaking gent  (I didn't get the Memo but apparently kissing an Afrikaans man in a club now means you are married to them - heads up ladies)


All in all the weekend got a little out of hand
Zimbabweans set loose on Johannesburg Season 1 - Coming soon to a cinema near you

Leaving the country for an indefinite period of time

So my luck has finally ended...


Zimbabwe or rather South Africa has decided that Zimbabweans are only allowed a total of 90 days in this beautiful country.  


That being said my 90 days expires on the 29th of this month.  So in an attempt to stay legal I am leaving South Africa.   Hopefully I will be back (Like Arnie) 


So my blog posts may be neglected for a while due to being stuck in the 3rd world a.k.a Zimbabwe.  


It kinds sucks when you OWN country doesn't want you (Need I remind you of Mugabe had his hatred for white people and especially farmers - of which I fall into both categories) and the country that you try to make your home tells you it doesn't want you either - I feel like a fish that keeps on being caught and released into the ocean (obviously I am less chuffed than said fish) 


No twitter. No BBM. No internet access on your phone.  No WhatsApp.  No LIFE!

Some of my favourite tunes

So I was going through my iTunes and my "most played" songs and these are some of the beauties that I found, thought I would share SOME of what I listen to with all of ya'll 

I love these songs, I love A LOT of songs but since I cant have a list like 8 million songs long I tried to cut them down.  It was difficult but here goes in no particular order:

1. Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

This song gives me chills and makes me happy and sad and wanna party and get drunk all at the same time.  Saying I love it is an understatement

2.  Dave Barnes - Until you 

The words to this song are magical - this is what EVERY girl would like when she hears her boyfriend has written her a song.  

"I need you now and forever to stay right here with me dont ever leave" 

Nicely done Dave, Nicely done.

3. Rise Against - Worth Dying for

I once met a person who said they didn't like Rise Against.  I promptly slapped them.  Thats all

4. Chamillionaire - Good Morning

Surprised.  Yeah I like my Hip-Hop too.  In high school I was a bit of a gangster (judge me not).  I like the little mash up they have going on in the beginning of the song.  I generally play this in the morning to put me in a good mood cos it just sounds happy.

5. Saving Jane - Girl Next Door

Who hasn't wanted to hit Heidi Klum?  That bitch has everything.  Well except a hot husband (Sorry Seal - but I like my men like I like my tea - WHITE)

6.  Jay Z - 99 Problems

I know all the words to this song.  I have a strange talent.  I can listen to a rap song I like ONCE and immediatly know all the words.  I wish I could do that hen it came to studying but I can't so that sucks.  I knew I should be a rapper. I got swag yo.

7. Metro Station - Disco

Happy Pop/Punk best danced to using your hair brush running around your room like your doing a show to Madison Square Garden (Pssssssssssh like you've NEVER done it) - Note the Hasian (Thats Hot Asian FYI) 

8.  Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated

Epic Band. Epic Song. Epic Movie.

Don't be a filthy illegal downloader - but go have a listen to them and let me know what you think :) 

Exam stress

I know every semester roughly about a month before exams my Facebook statuses and Tweets become more and more dramatic as the days between when exams start become fewer and fewer.  
Currently I am sitting on 35 days till my FIRST exam. EEEEEEK!
However on an up side this is my final year (My Dad breathes a HUGE sigh of relief) which is pretty amazing considering I have been at university for 5 yrs.  Yes there was the year I failed (I have great respect for computer programmers due to it -you are all geniuses in my books) and then there was the other year when I wasn't sure what I wanted to do so I just did anything in an attempt to "find myself".  I blame in large part Varsity College, their coffee shop was (and still is) amazing and their cafeteria too well equipped for me to ever leave the quad and attend lectures


However this exam season I am REALLY worried.  Why you ask?  Well i'll tell you.  My management accounting lecturer is an I.D.I.O.T with the personality of a dead donkey and less ability to explain his doings than Julius Malema.
OK, no let me be fair, he is REALLY smart - but he doesn't know how to teach (Punky did core maths... can you see my predicament?).  7 Lectures in, 2 out of 9 chapters covered and 2 lectures left till exams.
I'm effed, totally and utterly effed.  


I also become highly religious during exams season. 
I'm living on hopes and dreams at the moment that I pass - I better go pray.  


Wish me luck

I have too much blood in my alcohol system

Its a Friday night and there are so many things to do in Johannesburg that I knew I would be able to get my slorey debauchery on somewhere. 

Dance, your on fire was playing at Tanz Cafe - Punky LURVES Dance, your on fire. Who doesn't? If you haven't heard do your ears a favour and give them some sexy time and listen to them.  If you don't like them... I'm not sure if you and I can be starfish. 
So due to the vast majority of my starfish being of the jock variety it was rather hard to find someone to go with me to watch a band the reaction I got you would have thought I said "Hey people are dishing out free Herpes - Wanna go catch it?".  However due to my awesomeness and manipulation starfish and I headed out to Tanz Cafe. 

Tanz Cafe
Now since Dance, your on fire was playing I would have thought more people would go and watch them.  Apparently not.  We walked in and promptly walked out.  I love watching bands but not when the average age is 45 and people are talking about politics and the best retirement villages in Jozi. 
Tanz = Fail

So we decided to head to Privilege:

Privilege
For those of you who aren't in the "know" is the old Casablanca or Casa-wanka as I like to called it, which was previously known as Night Fever or Tight Beaver as it was better known due to the copious amount of loose underage woman.  Can you tell I wasn't a fan? 
So apparently it was Privilege's OPENING night.  In other news, they need to hire a new PR agency.  I think I may have been the oldest person in the club by about 4 yrs, I am pretty sure most of the men or rather boys in Privilege had only just hit puberty and where still waiting for hair to grow on their faces.  At one point I was chatting to a man (I was tricked due to his facial hair - obviously he developed early) who turned out to be 17.  Two words. Jail bait. 
Caramel Vodka needed A.S.A.P!!!
Upside of Privilege - Everyone is underage so the bar is empty. Thank god for not being able to serve alcohol to minors. Result!
2 drinks and 4 Caramel Vodka shots down. Time. To. Get. Out. Of. Here

Its 11pm and we are in Fourways, yeah - To Billy the B.U.M.S it is.

Billy the B.U.M.S
Now for all you who don't know we personally.  I have a crush.  A HUGE crush.  We fondly call him well lets just cal him "Man Meat" (he has a name but I refuse to call him by it).  Charming isn't it.  He is my Kryptonite and possibly the most confusing boy I have ever met in my life.  I am infatuated by him, and this is possibly the ONLY reason I go to Billy the B.U.M.S to see my man meat.  Sadly tonight he isn't here (Which is weird cos he is ALWAYS there - but anyways moving on). 
I really don't understand Billy's, its either AMAZING and packed and full of people who are decent then on other nights (Like Friday night) it is full of people who not only got hit by the ugly tree but then took the initiative to grow the branch they got hit with - these people looked like they lived in caves and hadn't yet evolved.
On another note - Billy's waters down their Caramel Vodka (Cheap Bastards) it tastes more like Vodka and less like Caramel.  -shudder-
Moving on and up... NOW!

To Stones we go:

Stones
Stones Fourways is pretty cool.  They play very commercial dance music and the crowd is of the two-stepping variety but I have had enough alcohol by now to think that any place is the greatest place in the world.  Result - bumping in more Starfish, this is our pool bitches lets dance the night away.

All in all, alot of bar hopping and debauchery.  I missed Saturday lectures at Varsity.  My life is obviously going down the tubes but its one HELL OF A RIDE!

Punky Out.