My 5 most irritating types of people in the traffic.

It is 8am, I am getting over my morning dose of road rage and by 10 o'clock I hope to have some type of personality.


This morning I thank God for making sure I do not carry any type of weapon or makeshift weapon in my car.


These are the 5 types of people who irritate my face in the morning:

1. The Taxi driver -Words need not explain this, if you have ever had to drive in South Africa you will no the constant irritation that this idiots give motorists and there utter disregard for any other vehicle on the road.  Don't even get me started on the condition of most of the taxis or the fact that driving behind them fells like Dodge 'em cars at a carnival.
2. The Guy who doesn't let you in when your indicating - I understand if you aren't indicating and just pull into a lane, but when you give warning that you intend to move into the other lane and the person STILL won't let you in? Makes. Me. Want. To. Pull. My. Hair. Out.
3. The Guy who speeds up, over takes you then slows down - What was the rush in the first place? Oh you were in a rush and then you decided to just all of a sudden take a leisurely Sunday drive? Get off the road you idiot.  
4. The bus that thinks its the size of a Smart car and pulls over with no warning - Dear Bus driver, your car takes up a WHOLE lane, when you stop, so does ALL the traffic behind you have you ever heard of a thing called a Bus Stop? Well guess what numb nuts.  That is where YOU are supposed to stop. Regards All Drivers.
5. Motorbikes who drives in between lanes - The thing that irritates me the most about these idiots is they then turn around and say "Cars are so inconsiderate toward bike riders - Think Bike".  You know what?  When you start driving properly and treating yourself like a any other car driver on the road then I will 'Think Bike".  This whole I'm going to overtake you on whatever side I feel like and scream past you at 140km/hr with my motorbike that sounds like a jet engine needs to stop.  When I hit you with my car one day, trust me it will be YOUR fault and NOT mine! 

That is all the ranting I have to do today - its one of those mornings.  

Drowning in the deep end.

Ever have one of those days where EVERYTHING goes wrong? 

Well this happens to me EVERY Tuesday, the reason why?  On a Tuesday I happen to have my weekly Management Accounting lecture.  

For those of you who do not know how useless I am with numbers here is a little insight.  

I still rely on my fingers to do the 9 times table and the ONLY times table I know off by heart is 5 times table (5, 10, 15, 20 etc) the rest I have to work out by adding.   Yes I am useless.  I also cant do sums in my head take 98 + 72 for examples would be relatively easy for most. but for dear old Punky a calculator is needed.  I still do not understand algebra or why the hell letters are put in maths equations and how I have passed Statistics and Financial management is anything short of a miracle.  So I am terrible at maths or anything requiring numbers, add to that the fact that I am dyslexic and get confused with 9's and 6's and 8's and 3's and such and me doing a maths sum becomes quite entertaining. 

So every Tuesday I wake up and go to Varsity - I always arrive in a good mood, have my coffee, catch up with my Varsity Starfish, check out the hot 1st years (who think we are "bitchy" but if only they knew we don't talk to them because we cant think of anything "cool" to say to these fine male specimens), and then head on up to class where the drama unfolds.

My Management Accounting lecturer has a Doctorate in Engineering or Accounting or something like that, anyways what ever he has a Doctorate in requires EXTENSIVE accounting and mathematical knowledge.  He is useless.  He is obviously VERY good at his job as he has all the toys to prove he makes BIG CASH but after 7 weeks of lectures and 1 assignment we have only done 2 chapters. TWO CHAPTERS!   And I don't understand anything. Nothing. Nada.  When I say nothing, I mean nothing, im not one of those annoying kids who say "Oh I have no clue what is going on" or 'Yeah I'm so confused" then get a distinction come exam time.  When I say I have no idea what is going on I mean it.  I am actually so lost with Accounting Management that I in fact have no idea how to even ask a question about what is going on.  When this IDIOT turns to me and says "Punky, do you know whats going on?" I look at him with this blank expression on my fact and nod my head, where do I start to even tell you how lost I am.  This idiot has managed to make me so nervous and stressed out cos I KNOW I am going to fail that I have one previous occasions been seconds away from tears, broken out in hives and nearly had a panic attack.  And I'm chilled.  I'm the girl who studies like a week before the exam and skips chapters because "Aggggh I just don't feel like learning it" I have a very chilled approach to life, nothing EVER gets done till the last minute and even then it's done in a very "whatevs" manner in other words I. DON'T. GET. STRESSED. OUT.  And this idiot has stressed me out! 

On that note I shall be taking interviews for Management Accounting tutors (since I have a month till exams) - suitable candidates should be male, over 6ft, resemble Jared Leto be dirty in a sexy way, oh and a financial background would be a lovely added extra.  

I promise I'm an excellent student, and will try not to slobber on your shoulder (However I cannot make any promises on that one) 

Starfish leaves to swim in the English sea....

I hate Farewells.
I hate Good Byes.
I hate Airports.
I hate it when people leave.  
It sucks.


One of my starfish is leaving to swim in the big bad cold British sea for an indefinite period of time - It sucks when they leave but it sucks even more when they leave and you don't know when you are ever going to see them again.  Luckily being Zimbabwean and having had half of my friends move away to more stable countries with slightly better economies (Considering Mugabe went on record to say "The Zimbabwean Economy is the envy of the world") around the world I am quite used to good byes, but they still suck so so so bad.  


So I am just going to ignore the fact that said starfish is going swimming in another rock pool and just get on with the interesting stuff (the slorey behaviour and copious drinking, cos I know that all anyone cares about  - The only kind of mail is Black Mail after all) *Hi Mom* 


So since said starfish has German roots (I'm not sure if this is why this interesting little watering hole in the middle of nowhere was chosen or if it was chosen just because it was huge? Must. Find. Answers).   Anyhootenhausen - So we all met at Schwabinger Stuben - don't ask me where it is because I could not, even if my life depended on it tell you.  In true German style, we ate, and we drank and we were merry.  Then we decided to take our jolly selves to Greenside.  Now contrary to popular belief, I myself am not a Greenside fan, maybe its because my starfish  enjoy the snobby, pretentious, jock filled watering hole that they call 'The Office" 
Let me describe the kind of people who like to go to 'The Office" - Firstly it is the kind of people who find the name 'The Office' mildly amusing, so it would be the kind of people who work in offices, from lawyers, accountants, investment bankers and basically anyone else who lives a corporate semi boring life during the week and then find the thought of going to a place named 'The Office' to socialize amusing.  As you can tell, I am not a fan.  
However this Saturday, I decided that I can no longer spend my Saturdays in a place that I dislike and decided to pop into Gin even if my Office loving starfish describe the place as "Dark, dingy with a hint of stale vomit in the air'' - Now, don't let that put you off - Gin is the bomb diggity!   Ok so they don't serve Caramel Vodka but that isn't make or break for me yet (however I did inform the manager, waiter and anyone who would listen that it needed to be stocked asap).
Let me describe Gin: The people are fun, the music is good, the drinks are cheap and the talent it out. of. this. world.  Starfish and I spotted possibly the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life (Yes, I know I say that a lot - but you all know how I tend to exaggerate well everything... this time I am 95.72% certain) I mean I even shoot in a semi-down poor outside just so one of the Starfish and myself could stare at it, just a little bit longer.  
I also think at one point during the evening I stood on a table and shook my booty to the sounds of Black eyed Peas **Blushes** I just can control myself, I feel like the BEP song "Dirty Bitch" should just be dedicated to me and my starfishes and our slore behaviour.  


I'm going to miss my little Starfish, drinks were consumed, memories were made, farewells were said and I wouldn't have it any other way.


And to end off remember this:

Vodka is like Black - it goes with everything. - F.P. Rogers

Human Rights Day

There are 285 days remaining until the end of the year (and those Christmas parties I KNOW you all love) it also happens to be Human Rights Day in South Africa making this lovely day of March the 21st a public holiday, meaning NO WORK,  a SHORT WEEK AND A LONG WEEKEND! Now that's Ayoba! 

It is you HUMAN right South Africa to enjoy today, be as lazy as physically possible, most of the country today will either be catching up on all those PVR'd series from the previous week or watching rugby (if there is any on - I wouldn't know Punky doesn't believe in contact sports.)

I spent my public holiday watching True Blood - If there are vampires living amongst us I swear I am going into the slaying business, or you know I'll become a vampire blood harvester.  Yes, I am watching too much True Blood.

So to celebrate Human Rights Day Punky and one of her Starfish friends decided to go back to our oceanic roots and went for sushi.  Now let me inform you that I have NOT eaten all day and Punky needs her protein boet.  So we violated the Sushi buffet at Tataki its amazing and FULL of beautiful people and even more beautiful Asian - I pretty sure the one waiter is Will Yun Lee's long lost twin brother (See below for photographic evidence of Will Yun Lee)

Now regardless of your personal preference (Personally I like my men like my sugar: White and Sweet) - This guy is a HUNK!  And yes, his look-a-like makes sushi at Tataki Sushi.   I can appreciate a beautiful man, but a beautiful man who makes amazing sushi is almost too much to handle.  Take a trip ladies great sushi and talent its a win win.  

So after eating too much sushi and drinking a little too much Wine (what is is about sushi and wine just going PERFECTLY together) we stumbled out of the sushi joint into the lovely wet weather that has been hovering over Johannesburg lately.  I can deal with the cold, actually Punky is a fan of the cold, but rain - Punky no like! 

For interest sake today is also:

Harmony Day in Australia

The International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination (International)

Mothers Day in most of the Arab World 

Truant's Day in Poland (I feel like I need to name my next pet Truant - I should probably Google the meaning of it yes?)

World Down Syndrome Day

And lastly Youth Day in Tunisia

"All mankind... being all equal and independent, no one ought to harm another in his life, health, liberty or possessions" - John Locke

Hope you exercised your human rights today! 

Punky Out. 

St Paddy's Day - Pub Golf

St. Patricks day is a religious holiday celebrated internationally on 17 March. It commemorates Saint Patrick, the day is generally spent going to church, wearing green and most importantly DRINKING ALCOHOL!

This year myself (Punky) and my lovely Starfish decided the only way to spend St. Paddys would be by playing a friendly round of golf, and by golf I mean Pub Golf. 
Pub golf is a very very competitive game that requires intense stamina and concentration to be able to come out victorious - at the end of the day no one likes being a loser. 
We had our course set out and obviously we needed a time limit in which to complete our round of golf. 
Our course was carefully planned out and no more than a hour was to be spent at each hole (Pub) where at least ONE drink had to be consumed and a new drink had to be consumed every time for example Punkys drink of choice a Hunters Dry could only be ordered ONCE, and a photo indicating what hole we were on had to be taken. 
Our 9 hole course consisted of the following places:

Hole 1: Home - No one likes to tee off without a bit of pre drinkage do they?

Hole 2: The Baron Main - We were rather wary of this hole as none of the starfish had been thrown into the depths of this watering hole.  Apon arrival it was abundantly clear that this was a watering hole of the over 30's and our green attire and painted faces were not well received.  This was a shot destination.  Be hit them back and moved onto Hole 3.  15mins in and out. This is my kinda drinking.

Hole 3:  Hooters - GREEN BEER! Now being girls we are NOT fans of Beer (I am still to understand how guys enjoy drinking what I assumed wet dirty socks would taste like) We ordered our Green Beer and knocked it back in true hero fashion.  I am starting to have mild beer goggles. 

Hole 4: O'Hagans - Our FIRST Irish pub.  There are masses of drunk men (who are all looking rather attractive due to beer goggles) standing around singing Irish songs and using pick up lines such as "Kiss my I'm Irish" and "Do you wanna rub Pot of gold".  Stay focused Punky, we are on a mission here.

Hole 5: Buddahta - A more classy establish meant situated in the Design Quarter.  Apparently they didn't get the memo that it is St. Paddys day. There are 5 people in the whole place. We order our drinks and QUICKLY move on. 15mins another quickie I like this. EPIC Moment upon departure, we get escorted to our cars on a Golf Cart, I think this classifies as a Hole in One?

Hole 6: Molly Malones - That awkward situation when your over the limit and you bump into your Varsity Statistics lecturer.... That just happened.  Must head to bar immediately.  Wait at the bar for literally 45mins to get a drink, I am loosing my personality fast... Oh Wait, What.....Free drinks! Result! Personality has come back.

Hole 7: Keg and Maiden - Shots! Shots! Shots! Punky and Starfish's wobble out of the establishment.  I think people are staring. 

Hole 8:  Stones - More Shots! Shots! Shots! PS. I haven't mentioned it yet, but you will soon find out that the quickest way into my heart is through Caramel Vodka and keep them shots coming! My heart is warm.  Sigh I could drink Caramel Vodka hourly for the rest of my life and live happily. 

Hole 9: Billy the B.U.M.S - We have blown our WHOLE budget.  Crisis Mode - Boobs Out.  Don't judge us boys you know you all love a bit of boobage.  I think its a win win situation for all! Wait what is that, 100 ronds in our "secret back-up compartment" sober stars fish is such a clever cookie, hiding money from her drunk starfish self to get surprises during the night.  DRINKS! DRINKS! DRINKS!

Tiger Woods - I think we just stole the Ryder Cup from you. BAM!

Mission. Completed.

The Adventure begins...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Punky (Thats me Folks) and my Starfish (the would be the beautiful creatures I call my friends)

I have had previous blogs in the past, but they have sadly been neglected and thus given over to the BRDC (Blog Refuse Disposal Center) to die a sad and lonely unviewed death on the world wide web.

I hope you enjoy the scandalous day-to-day happenings of the what I am lucky enough to call my life

Hold on it’s going to be a bumpy ride…