I put all my eggs in ONE basket this weekend

There is one weekend every year that leaves you with U.D.I's (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), Flashbacks, New Slang, Black holes  and the obvious regret of things that cannot be undone.
This however was not me this Easter weekend.... Punky has given up drinking.


I can feel you all rolling your eyes and thinking "Pssssss! This is going to last all of 10 seconds"
But unlike the time I decided to become a pro-skateboarder this shall be less painful and I may stick to it for a a little while - or at least until exams are over 


So since I cant dish the dirt on myself I shall do the ne xt best thing and dish out the dirt on my  starfish


B.F.F Starfish happened to in the course of one weekend do the following things:
1.  Suck face a.k.a Graze a non-English speaking gent in Clapham Gold after all of 5 minutes of dancing in the same vicinity as him.  Legendary.
2.  Become a fan of Caramel Vodka - I know I am too proud for words
3.  Break a heel
4.  Run away from said non-English speaking gent
5.  Make me "save her" once again from non-English speaking gent  (I didn't get the Memo but apparently kissing an Afrikaans man in a club now means you are married to them - heads up ladies)


All in all the weekend got a little out of hand
Zimbabweans set loose on Johannesburg Season 1 - Coming soon to a cinema near you

Leaving the country for an indefinite period of time

So my luck has finally ended...


Zimbabwe or rather South Africa has decided that Zimbabweans are only allowed a total of 90 days in this beautiful country.  


That being said my 90 days expires on the 29th of this month.  So in an attempt to stay legal I am leaving South Africa.   Hopefully I will be back (Like Arnie) 


So my blog posts may be neglected for a while due to being stuck in the 3rd world a.k.a Zimbabwe.  


It kinds sucks when you OWN country doesn't want you (Need I remind you of Mugabe had his hatred for white people and especially farmers - of which I fall into both categories) and the country that you try to make your home tells you it doesn't want you either - I feel like a fish that keeps on being caught and released into the ocean (obviously I am less chuffed than said fish) 


No twitter. No BBM. No internet access on your phone.  No WhatsApp.  No LIFE!

Some of my favourite tunes

So I was going through my iTunes and my "most played" songs and these are some of the beauties that I found, thought I would share SOME of what I listen to with all of ya'll 

I love these songs, I love A LOT of songs but since I cant have a list like 8 million songs long I tried to cut them down.  It was difficult but here goes in no particular order:

1. Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

This song gives me chills and makes me happy and sad and wanna party and get drunk all at the same time.  Saying I love it is an understatement

2.  Dave Barnes - Until you 

The words to this song are magical - this is what EVERY girl would like when she hears her boyfriend has written her a song.  

"I need you now and forever to stay right here with me dont ever leave" 

Nicely done Dave, Nicely done.

3. Rise Against - Worth Dying for

I once met a person who said they didn't like Rise Against.  I promptly slapped them.  Thats all

4. Chamillionaire - Good Morning

Surprised.  Yeah I like my Hip-Hop too.  In high school I was a bit of a gangster (judge me not).  I like the little mash up they have going on in the beginning of the song.  I generally play this in the morning to put me in a good mood cos it just sounds happy.

5. Saving Jane - Girl Next Door

Who hasn't wanted to hit Heidi Klum?  That bitch has everything.  Well except a hot husband (Sorry Seal - but I like my men like I like my tea - WHITE)

6.  Jay Z - 99 Problems

I know all the words to this song.  I have a strange talent.  I can listen to a rap song I like ONCE and immediatly know all the words.  I wish I could do that hen it came to studying but I can't so that sucks.  I knew I should be a rapper. I got swag yo.

7. Metro Station - Disco

Happy Pop/Punk best danced to using your hair brush running around your room like your doing a show to Madison Square Garden (Pssssssssssh like you've NEVER done it) - Note the Hasian (Thats Hot Asian FYI) 

8.  Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated

Epic Band. Epic Song. Epic Movie.

Don't be a filthy illegal downloader - but go have a listen to them and let me know what you think :) 

Exam stress

I know every semester roughly about a month before exams my Facebook statuses and Tweets become more and more dramatic as the days between when exams start become fewer and fewer.  
Currently I am sitting on 35 days till my FIRST exam. EEEEEEK!
However on an up side this is my final year (My Dad breathes a HUGE sigh of relief) which is pretty amazing considering I have been at university for 5 yrs.  Yes there was the year I failed (I have great respect for computer programmers due to it -you are all geniuses in my books) and then there was the other year when I wasn't sure what I wanted to do so I just did anything in an attempt to "find myself".  I blame in large part Varsity College, their coffee shop was (and still is) amazing and their cafeteria too well equipped for me to ever leave the quad and attend lectures


However this exam season I am REALLY worried.  Why you ask?  Well i'll tell you.  My management accounting lecturer is an I.D.I.O.T with the personality of a dead donkey and less ability to explain his doings than Julius Malema.
OK, no let me be fair, he is REALLY smart - but he doesn't know how to teach (Punky did core maths... can you see my predicament?).  7 Lectures in, 2 out of 9 chapters covered and 2 lectures left till exams.
I'm effed, totally and utterly effed.  


I also become highly religious during exams season. 
I'm living on hopes and dreams at the moment that I pass - I better go pray.  


Wish me luck

I have too much blood in my alcohol system

Its a Friday night and there are so many things to do in Johannesburg that I knew I would be able to get my slorey debauchery on somewhere. 

Dance, your on fire was playing at Tanz Cafe - Punky LURVES Dance, your on fire. Who doesn't? If you haven't heard do your ears a favour and give them some sexy time and listen to them.  If you don't like them... I'm not sure if you and I can be starfish. 
So due to the vast majority of my starfish being of the jock variety it was rather hard to find someone to go with me to watch a band the reaction I got you would have thought I said "Hey people are dishing out free Herpes - Wanna go catch it?".  However due to my awesomeness and manipulation starfish and I headed out to Tanz Cafe. 

Tanz Cafe
Now since Dance, your on fire was playing I would have thought more people would go and watch them.  Apparently not.  We walked in and promptly walked out.  I love watching bands but not when the average age is 45 and people are talking about politics and the best retirement villages in Jozi. 
Tanz = Fail

So we decided to head to Privilege:

Privilege
For those of you who aren't in the "know" is the old Casablanca or Casa-wanka as I like to called it, which was previously known as Night Fever or Tight Beaver as it was better known due to the copious amount of loose underage woman.  Can you tell I wasn't a fan? 
So apparently it was Privilege's OPENING night.  In other news, they need to hire a new PR agency.  I think I may have been the oldest person in the club by about 4 yrs, I am pretty sure most of the men or rather boys in Privilege had only just hit puberty and where still waiting for hair to grow on their faces.  At one point I was chatting to a man (I was tricked due to his facial hair - obviously he developed early) who turned out to be 17.  Two words. Jail bait. 
Caramel Vodka needed A.S.A.P!!!
Upside of Privilege - Everyone is underage so the bar is empty. Thank god for not being able to serve alcohol to minors. Result!
2 drinks and 4 Caramel Vodka shots down. Time. To. Get. Out. Of. Here

Its 11pm and we are in Fourways, yeah - To Billy the B.U.M.S it is.

Billy the B.U.M.S
Now for all you who don't know we personally.  I have a crush.  A HUGE crush.  We fondly call him well lets just cal him "Man Meat" (he has a name but I refuse to call him by it).  Charming isn't it.  He is my Kryptonite and possibly the most confusing boy I have ever met in my life.  I am infatuated by him, and this is possibly the ONLY reason I go to Billy the B.U.M.S to see my man meat.  Sadly tonight he isn't here (Which is weird cos he is ALWAYS there - but anyways moving on). 
I really don't understand Billy's, its either AMAZING and packed and full of people who are decent then on other nights (Like Friday night) it is full of people who not only got hit by the ugly tree but then took the initiative to grow the branch they got hit with - these people looked like they lived in caves and hadn't yet evolved.
On another note - Billy's waters down their Caramel Vodka (Cheap Bastards) it tastes more like Vodka and less like Caramel.  -shudder-
Moving on and up... NOW!

To Stones we go:

Stones
Stones Fourways is pretty cool.  They play very commercial dance music and the crowd is of the two-stepping variety but I have had enough alcohol by now to think that any place is the greatest place in the world.  Result - bumping in more Starfish, this is our pool bitches lets dance the night away.

All in all, alot of bar hopping and debauchery.  I missed Saturday lectures at Varsity.  My life is obviously going down the tubes but its one HELL OF A RIDE!

Punky Out. 

Has the worlds warranty expired?

I must admit I don't watch much news, basically because I just don't have the time.  My only source of news is from http://www.breakingnews.com/ on twitter (who are really good by the way and definitely worth a follow) and from the hourly news updates on the radio and occasionally I catch the news on TV if I'm home in time. 

I know the world is supposedly going to end next year according to a certain movie staring a certain rapper turned movie star but frankly that is Future Punky's problem.  I stopped panicking about the world ending ever since Y2K, people worry about stuff too much.  You should do what you can NOW to help the world and yourself. 

If you litter - STOP LITTERING
If you don't recycle - START RECYCLING
If you drive a car that billows smoke - GET IT FIXED
If you let the water run while brushing your teeth/ doing dishes etc- STOP WASTING WATER
If you don't you energy saving light bulbs - SWITCH TO ENERGY SAVING LIGHT BULBS
If you leave all your lights on in your house all the time - SWITCH OFF YOUR LIGHTS

With all the disasters happening in the world at the moment one can only think that the worlds warranty has expired. 
I remember I bought a external hard drive once, a day after the warranty expired it broke (I know, I was angry too) - Incredible Corruption wouldn't take it back no matter how much of a fuss I kicked up. 
The world is breaking and its no too late to send it in for repairs, most things can get fixed, I'm sure the world can too if we stop treating it so badly. 

On that note, I'm praying for The Japanese, The Egyptians, The Libyans, the families of the people shot in Brazil and the Netherlands this week, and the people who were effected by the train collision in Pretoria to name but a few heart wrenching tragedies that happened this week

I saw a tweet this week from @YeaahImATeen that is pretty cool:

I love Pandas. They're like "Hey Racism is stupid. I'm Black, White and Asian. And everyone loves me. Spread the love man"

I recon all this bad stuff is happening cos of all the bad energy from all the people in the world and @YeaahImATeen sums up how we could start fixing it perfectly.

On that note and a rather serious blog entry - Save the cheerleader. Save the world. But not really.

The BEST Mugabe rip off poster E.V.E.R!

Does this picture even need any explanation? No! Cos its amazing!

My week in pictures (April 3rd 2011)

So I am trying something new here, they say a picture is worth a 1000 words so this a recap of my week, in pictures

1. This tool face was in front of me in traffic, the smoke BILLOWING out of his car was so bad at one point I could hardly see.  Then after giving him the dirtiest look and faking a coughing attack the idiot still had the nerve to eye f**k me. Dirty perve.

2. Tops Spar just gets me. 

3.  Playing soccer before we head off to the haunted hospital.  I'm on the side line watching with the girl starfish.  Every team needs cheerleaders right?

4. Permanent buliding? As opposed to what? A non-permanent building? last I remember all buildings were pretty permanent.  It must be an East Rand thing.

5. Someone cant handle their drinkage.  Obviously no starfish of mine.  We're all booze hags.

5.  Stop teasing me, we all know there is no pot of gold. 

"The Kempton Park Haunted Hospital"

In the hopes of trying something "new and different" this weekend the starfish and myself put our heads together and decided to try out "The Haunted Kempton Park Hospital" in Kempton park obviously.  We all decided bundle into 3 cars and head out into the great unknown fondly known as Kempton Park.  I have no idea where Kempton Park is, all I know is when I first moved to South Africa I got lost their coming home for roughly 4hrs (and a tank of fuel) I am still haunted by the memory of the whole situation.  Little did I know that this trip to Kempton park would be just as dodgy 

First things first.  Out of the 13 of us going, not ONE of us had any idea where this Hospital exactly was, we just knew it was in Kempton, on Elgin Rd.  Once we found Elgin Rd which I can only explain to you as "A rapists paradise" we quickly decided we were lost and that this what not where the hospital was.  I mean this really was a Rapists Paradise.  I think this was where the vast majority of us freaked out the most.  I saw my life and Ted Bundy flash before my eyes - And it wasn't pretty.  I didn't see a single Caramel Vodka shot or Cupcake.  

After allot of guess navigation and stopping at garages and asking very suspicious looking people (who were were sure where all now going to run to the hospital and try and Rape and Rob us of everything we had) we F.I.N.A.L.L.Y found the hospital.  

We parked at a shopping center where there was a bar and lots of light and what not (There was no way Punky was risking walking all the way back to Sandton).

Now this bar that was called something like the Duck n' Dive or something was an eye opener in itself.  I may get into a bit of trouble for this but I imagine Kempton Park/Boksburg/Benoni  locals to the the South Africa equivalent to Alabama.  I am pretty sure there was some SERIOUS interbreeding going on from the looks of the people in that bar.  

So we parked and walked the 300m or so to the hospital and due to the joys of living in Africa we bribed he guard R40.00 to get in and have a look around.  Now considering there were 13 of my starfish and we all paid R40.00 and then there was another group of about 10 people behind us and we saw more random people once we were inside the hospital there must have be over all 50 people in total in the hospital just for the few hours we were there - I am going into the effing guarding haunted hospitals business, the woman is COINING it! R2000 on average a night - I could do with that as a little extra cash. Just Saying.  

The Hospital has NO lights.  Punky is scared of the dark.  This is gonna be interesting.  Luckily I have a torch (it didn't fail on me - breathes HUGE sigh of relief) 

I don't really believe in ghosts, basically cos if I had to really think about it I would probably freak myself out so much that I would have a panic attack and pass out.  (Yes, the same effect caramel vodka has on me).  Take into consideration the fact that I have only ever watched ONE scary movie and I had to sleep with the light on in my room for the next week I was so freaked out.  So why I decided to come into this haunted hospital I have no idea.  

Words really cant describe the hospital you kind of have to go and see for yourself, you really cant believe that this place was literally just left.  There are still documents of the patients that were admitted just before it such down, incubators, wheelchairs, neck braces, operating theaters complete with lights and operating tools, we even saw old dried blood on the floor and a bottle full of preserved kidneys (however we have no idea if they were just put there for effect or if they were actually from the days of the hospital being open).

Most of my photos have "orbs" in them with is meant to mean that their were ghosts present, but for my sanity I am gonna call them dust particles

If you go I suggest that you visit the morgue that still works and then leave the nurses quarters for last, there is a definite drop in temperature when you go into the rooms and that means there are ghosts about.  Hehe.  

The one lady guard wouldn't even go into the nurses quarter cos she said she was too scared which freak me out quite a bit, however I was armed with a torch and she wasn't so I guess it would be more scary, I also think the guards kind of what you to have the living Ba-Geesus scared out of you, and trust me they do a really good job of freaking you out.  

I was scared.  I won't put myself through that again.  

Unless of course I have drunk a bottle of Caramel Vodka and have a 6ft6 hunk of a man who looks like Jared Leto that I can jump onto to protect me if I get a fright.

Thats all.